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A lthough the holiday season is coming to a close, Tiger Woods is still feeling the Christmas spirit, as he recently went shirtless in Vanity Fair for the few women who have yet to see him naked. Because of all the controversy currently surrounding Wood’s sexual adventures, he thought it would be best to show a visual of what sex with him would be like, rather than actually engage in the act.
Many of the women whom Tiger Woods directed his photo towards have already taken a larger interest in Tiger and see him as an even more tempting partner. “That is soooooo romantic,” said some girl named Lindsay. “I can’t believe Tiger’s wife would dump him, what a catch he is. Look at those muscles, you can tell he probably took that picture right after he finished golfing. My husband would never pose for Vanity Fair for me, ever. Honey, why don’t you pose for Vanity Fair for me anymore? You don’t love me?,” screamed Lindsay as her husband worked away doing taxes. “You see that? My husband is so paying for our house our house he doesn’t have time for me anymore. Well, let this Tiger Woods picture be a wake up call.” Sex and relationship expert Tanya Martinez noted that after revealing how selfish he was in cheating on his wife the women of this country, he is going the extra mile to show his generosity by displaying his nakedness to the rest of the United States. “This just goes to show what a great person Tiger Woods is,” stated Tanya Martinez. “Although there are only a handful of women who have not slept with Tiger, he is still willing to stick his neck out by posing nude only for them. This is a sports player giving back to the community that has given him so so much. Humanitarianism has no limits to this man. Mother Theresa would be proud, even though he’s probably had sex with her too, simply out of respect.” Tiger Woods recently had sex with a member of Satire Jones, and explained why he decided to go shirtless at a time when he is being berated in the press for cheating on his wife with multiple partners “Look, as a Black golfer, I know what it’s like to feel out of the loop,” said Tiger as he smoked a cigarette. “So, I don’t want these women to feel left out from what most of America has already experienced. Especially during the holidays. This is just my way of saying Merry Christmas. I don’t want them to think that I won’t have sex with them, it’s just that at this time, it really wouldn’t be the best, and I’m really busy getting divorced so I probably wouldn’t have that much time. But I’ll certainly have sex with them when I remarry.” Reporting Live…this is Satire Jones
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