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I n a last minute effort to boost the economy and shield America from financial turmoil resulting from overseas overspending and domestic underspending, the George Bush recently announced that he will be auctioning off the last vestiges of the Constitution of the United States of America on eBay.
“When this great nation is in a crisis, we gotta do something,” stated a stern Bush, as he gazed into the wrong television camera. “Whenever my mother had a yard sale she would always tell me to pack up all the old stuff I never used and didn’t need. It’s the same thing here. Plus Constitution was so dirty and smelly, I may have even blew my nose into it a couple of times. But hey, that's what the Constitution is all about right, freedom of speech." Increasing speculation has already speculated that the price of the ancient artifact could go anywhere from two to twenty seven billion dollars, with several buyers already showing interest from the Middle East, China, and even Asia. ‘We’re getting calls from all over the place. Just yesterday some man who sounded like he had a long beard and was named Bin Jaden, or something like that called asking how much the Constitution would cost to buy upfront and avoid the whole auction. I mean, how stupid this guy is, he wants to pay that much money for a piece of paper. I’m no economist but I know which paper is worth something, and it’s the one with dead presidents on it.” Although the President has already officially listed the item on Ebay, many American citizens, are having a hard time believing that the President would actually sell such an important piece of paper. Nevertheless several minority demographics are bracing for the impending social and political implosion by reasserting the unalienable rights that the Constitution granted them, and reminding Americans of what the Constitution shielded them against. Many African-Americans were seen holding up picket signs that read ‘Slavery is Wrong’ while the Chinese held up signs that read ‘There’s no need to build any more railroads.’ Police officers joined the foray by holding up signs that read, "All Protesters will Be Arrested and Detained." Reporting live... this is Satire Jones
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