“Couldn’t happen at a worse time,” said a steamed Jay Leno.  “This is ridiculous.  First I have to deal with the whole Conan thing, now I have to deal with this earthquake.  The  earthquake is beating us every night.  And that’s the problem.  We have to put so much of our time and effort into making a show every single night, while the earthquake doesn’t even have to do anything.  It just sits there and gets viewers.  And I’m supposed to compete with this.”

Jay Leno is already in talks with NBC and other major networks about getting the earthquake pulled off the air.

“I feel that given the current situation,” said CNN representative Andy Durand, “would be to see if we can get the catastrophe in Haiti under control as fast as possible so that we can just get it pulled from primetime, and relegated to a 3am infomercial of some sort.  I feel like that would be the compromise for Jay Leno, the Haitians, and the earthquake.”

Leno also noted that, rather than compete, he would consider inviting the earthquake onto his show so that way the quake would have a proper platform to promote itself while also giving Jay a strong ratings boost.  

“I’m trying to be friends with this thing, hopefully work out a partnership that would result in dual success,” said Leno.  “I have some great ideas for Jaywalking where we ask the earthquake “Who was the first earthquake to immigrate to the US to look for a better life?” and “Which was the first earthquake to denounce slavery?”  But sadly, the earthquake has not responded to anything I’ve thrown out there.”

Leno and other members of the NBC staff worried about the effect that the earthquake would have on Jay’s impending move back to his original 11:30 PM late night slot to which Jay simply stated…

“Looks like it’s going to be one natural disaster versus another.”

Reporting Live from Haiti…this is Satire Jones

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